Ephesians 6:4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. (NIV)
Starting January 25th at 5pm we will begin Dr. James Dobson's Bible study Bringing Up Girls. We are going to follow that up with Dobson's Bringing up Boys. As I was beginning reading for the study, I began to think. What if our kids when they are grown could go back in time and write a letter to us about how our parenting influenced them positively or negatively? I think we would all be amazed, shocked, happy, and probably even regretful and angry with ourselves. So, I decided to try this experiment (I can't go back in time. I don't have a Delorean :-), so bear with me).
Dad,
I wanted to write you a letter to let you know how much you influenced me. Even though I have only seen you once in 22 years, I still think about you often. I wish you could know how much I wanted to spend time with you growing up. You were gone so much and when you were at home you did not want to be bothered. I would have given anything to have you spend some time with me.
It was hard living with you. Coming home so many nights drunk and verbally abusing everyone and beating mom up. I would lay in bed dreading the moment you would finally come home. It took me many years to work through the anxiety from this abuse. I still remember you telling me in a drunken stupor, "You will never amount to anything. If you died tonight I would spit on your grave." You have no idea what that can do to the psyche of a 12 year old child.
When mom finally left you, I was so alone. You don't know how hard it was having to grow up fast at 13. I wish I had someone to teach me what it meant to be a man in God's eyes growing up. I had to learn so many things the hard way by making mistakes. You have no idea how difficult it is trying to become a man in this world with no one to guide you. I had so much anger, bitterness, and resentment. I even started down your path-drinking, violence, and anger. But I thank God He had mercy on me and I accepted Jesus Christ's gracious offer of salvation.
Christ has brought emotional, mental, and spiritual healing to my life. But dad, I still struggle. I fight your influence on almost a daily basis. The influence I wrestle with in the darkness of the night. It is that same voice in the darkness when I lay down that says, "You will never be good enough. You are a failure." It is the same influence I have to fight against when I think I shouldn't be a pastor because of my insecurities, fears, and failures. The same influence that tells me in my dark night of the soul that things can't change.
But dad, they have changed. Because I made the decision I was not going to be like you. I made it for my wife and children. You see dad, you helped me get to where I am today. By Christ's strength and His grace, I used those fears to motivate me, to trust that God could do something bigger in my life than I ever could dream. I made the decision, dad, to break the cycle. It ends with me. My wife and children are going to have a husband and dad that loves them, cherishes them, and seeks to train them in God's Word and His ways. I refuse to pass down my fears, insecurities, and failures to my children. They are going to know wholeness and happiness.
So dad, I want you to know I love you and pray for you. I wish things could have been different. But I trust God that He can raise beauty from ashes. I really hope one day I can see you soon.
Bryan
Hey parents, you do have a lifetime influence on your children. I encourage you to do this exercise. It might shed some light on your parenting style and cause you to reevaluate some things. Let me encourage you. No parent is perfect. But by God's grace, let us apply Ephesians 6:4 with our children. God can take that and do great things with it.
Blessings,
Bryan
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