Your Passion Cannot Be My Burden

     One of the great things about my calling as a pastor is I get to meet lots of folks. I have the privilege of walking with them through the joys and pains of life. Ministry is founded on relationships.

     A complex aspect of my calling is many people I come into contact with desire something from me. Now, that is not bad. God has given us gifts, talents, and resources to help others with. Where things go awry is when people expect me to take up their cause or passion.

     I have limitless opportunities to help people each week in my community and even around the world. There is no shortage of causes, concerns, or ministries to devote time and resources to. 

     I believe many people forget one important spiritual principle: your passion cannot be my burden. 

     What I mean is that God has given each of us certain assignments here on earth. Your passion is a key to that assignment. But not everyone has that same passion. Our job is to find those with like-minded passions and join together to fulfill that assignment. But one thing we have to keep in mind is that not everyone we come across will have that same passion.

      God has given me a certain assignment. While your passion may be good and kingdom-centered, if it does not align with my passion and calling, I am doing you and me a disservice if I try to take that on. It won't work. And it will lead to frustration and burnout.

     So, don't be offended when others pass on your passion. It is not personal, and it doesn't mean your cause or ministry isn't worthwhile. What it does mean is that person simply is not called to it. 

     Keep pursuing. Keep casting your vision. Those God has placed a similar calling on will come alongside you. And those are the people you want anyway. 

A Letter to My Sister

A Letter to My Sister

Dear Lesley,

I wanted to take a few minutes and tell you all the things I tried to express over our lives together. Over the past couple of days I have tried to process your death and sort through the many emotions I am struggling with right now. I pray in some way you will know how I feel and perhaps it will bring you some comfort.

You were almost five years older than me. For all of our lives, you would always refer to me as, “my little brother.” Growing up, I know you tolerated me as a big sister. Mom made you take me with you places, and although you acted like it cramped your style, I know you really didn’t mind.

I remember the Halloween parties at our house, with all your friends coming over, and me falling over myself trying to impress your pretty friends. I was the cute little mascot; all your friends doting over me with my fantasies of being able to date some of the prettiest girls in school.

My favorite memory is you taking me to a KISS concert at the old Greenville Memorial Auditorium for my thirteenth birthday. I got to bring along my friend Tony, which meant his older sister and your best friend Melissa came. She was my first crush. An absolutely stunning girl with a great personality; she saw me as another little brother like Tony.

We had an awesome time. We left the concert had realized your car got towed so we had to walk to the police station and pool all our money together to get it out. On the way home, Melissa sat in my lap because there wasn’t enough room. I could have died and gone to heaven. We were all young and full of potential. You were one of the prettiest girls in school and popular. I was the nerd. But your coolness gave me a little cred as a freshman in high school.

That was before the drugs took control of you.

I had to watch you destroy your life because you never could shake your demons. The garbage our parents put us through took a toll on all of us. But it hit you the hardest. I saw you turn to pain killers, then meth to sooth the tremendous pain inside.

When I walked home from my job at Ingles at midnight to our apartment on the bad side of town, I swore at sixteen I would escape. And I did. But it killed me I could not take you with me.

I know you turned to men to try and find the love and acceptance our dad never gave you. I watched men use you only to discard you like a piece of trash. I observed helplessly as drugs took everything from you and it broke my heart.

So many times I tried to help you over the years. Even when you stole from me to buy drugs I knew that wasn’t really you. I talked to you about Jesus and tried to get you in church, but you never felt good enough. I understand. Sometimes, church can be the cruelest place on earth. Many good churchgoers want everything in a nice, sanitized package. But we know better. We know how dirty life can be in the gutter, trying to claw your way out with no hope in sight.

The thing that kills me is that I don’t know where your soul is at. I know God does not change His standard for anyone. I wish you could have allowed Jesus to sooth your pain. I haven’t slept well since you passed and I’m not sure I ever will. I can’t stand the thought of you being separated from Christ for eternity.

I pray you somehow were able to make peace with Jesus. I am going to choose to remember you like you were on my thirteenth birthday. Full of life and promise before things got so bad. I am so sorry Lesley I was not able to get you out.

Love,

Your Little Brother

My Confession

I know you were probably expecting or wanting some salacious admittance of sin or wrongdoing. I am sorry to disappoint you on that front. However, what I have to say in the following paragraphs might surprise you somewhat.

 When I first felt called to vocational ministry some sixteen years ago, I wanted to help people and change the world. I still do, although my methods and perspectives have changed. You see, I have always struggled with inferiority mainly because of my upbringing and never feeling good enough. Growing up in an abusive home created some deep emotional baggage that in some ways I am still trying to get through. I became a pastor because I wanted God’s best for people and to see them fulfilled in God’s purposes for their lives. I could have chosen many things, but in my heart, I believed God wanted me to fulfill the role of pastor for the greater good of His Kingdom.

 Having been a pastor for going on thirteen years I can say the good has far outweighed the bad. I have been blessed to serve in churches that have taken care of me and my family. I have made many friends. While there have been bad times, and not all experiences with people have been positive, I am thankful God has spared me many difficulties and shown me tremendous grace.

 I don’t really talk about the pressures of being a pastor because I don’t want to seem ungrateful or that I am complaining. I worked in manufacturing for over six years before I entered vocational ministry, so I understand everyone has stress and pressure in their jobs to varying degrees. But let me say that being a pastor is unlike any other job in the world.

 Many folks expect you to be perfect and always say the “spiritual thing.” Showing emotion, such as being upset, or having a bad day is considered not being mature in the faith. Now, I understand pastors/elders are called to a high standard in Scripture. It is not my intention to water those qualifications down. But I wonder if we as a Christian community have not put expectations on people that they can never live up to.

 You see, I have had several friends in ministry take their lives because the burden and pressure became too great for them. I have spent all week struggling whether or not to even write this because I was anxious about how it would be received. But I have had so many emotions building for so long, I was compelled for my own emotional and spiritual well-being to be true to myself.

 In our culture, being true to oneself is rare. What I mean by being true to oneself is channeling who you are as God’s unique creation, flaws and all, and using that to the glory of God. We put our expectations on others to be who we want them to be and do what we want them to do. In the end, it creates people who are crushed because their dreams have died inside of them because of the demands of others.

 Pastors are unique in many ways. We are people pleasers by nature. It brings great emotional distress to know people we serve are unhappy with us. We were many hats: counselor, community activist, motivational leader, inspiring speaker, spiritual sage, and accessible neighbor. Our marriages, finances, and children must be picture perfect. Knowing everything we say and do is under a microscope can be paranoia-inducing.

 This can lead many to experience anxiety and depression. I know I have struggled with anxiety and depression as well. It brings comfort to me knowing some great men and women of God have had these same struggles. David, Elijah, John Bunyan, and Charles Spurgeon among others have battled these crippling emotions.

 I want to be perfect. I want to be the perfect pastor. I want to be the perfect husband and dad. But I know I can’t. Because Scripture tells us all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. And that dichotomy creates an internal struggle within me and can be very difficult to deal with. I struggle with feelings of failure: that I have failed the church I have been called to serve and failed those who have placed their trust in me. When things do not go well I blame myself.

 So, friend, you see that I am much harder on Bryan Cox than you could ever be. When I stand to proclaim God’s infallible Word I experience the conviction you do, knowing there is always room for improvement in my own life. When I call you to repentance, know I have brought myself down to my knees in weeping. Yes, I am painfully aware of my own shortcomings.

 I long for the day when those who profess Christ seek to help people become God’s best version of themselves, rather than seeking their own desires and preferences. The church in the United States is in real danger. While there are churches that are fulfilling the Great Commission and making disciples, many more are not. And that grieves my heart.

 I want to leave you with this. If you know me, I hope you realize I have always wanted the best for you for the glory of God. If you don’t know me, I pray you will seek to become true to yourself-who God created you to be for His glory. Finally, if you do not like me, I pray God will give you peace to move on from self-destructive behaviors.

 For the first time, I am going to be true to myself. I am going to pastor for as long as God allows, but there are some things I have put off. I am going to finish, Zachary’s Song, this summer for my son. It is my gift to him, but the book will not be your typical autism story. In the fall I have outlined a book, Greener Pastures, for publication. It is an edgy fiction work. In between, I am going to rediscover my love for painting and seek to have those works on display. In other words, I am going to CREATE.

 If you are going to church tomorrow (which I hope you will!), do me a favor and extend some grace to your pastor. You don’t know the battles he or she fights for you in the name of Christ. Encourage him or her. And most important-live for God’s glory and leave no regrets.

 A Beggar Showing Other Beggars the Bread of Life,

Bryan Cox

Education as Christian Formation: Part II of The Benedict Option

The Benedict Option: Education as Christian Formation

Part II of the book review: The Benedict Option, by Rod Dreher

Dreher devotes chapter seven of his book to the topic of Education as Christian Formation. He begins by referencing Václav Benda and the failure of the dissident movement to establish a schooling system that would provide an alternative education to the state’s. He draws a parallel with Christianity in America for the need to establish an alternative to the public education system that will allow believers to preserve their religious beliefs, moral values, and cultural memory.

Michael Hanby, professor of religion and philosophy of science at Washington’s Pontifical John Paul II Institute, declared:

The point of monasticism was not simply to retreat from a corrupt world to survive, though in various iterations that might have been a dimension to it. But at the heart of it was a quest for God. It was that quest that mandated the preservation of classical learning and the pagan tradition by the monks, because they loved what was true and what was beautiful wherever they found it.

Dreher argues for a return in the Christian community to classical Christian education. One of the hallmarks of the Benedict Option movement is the spread of classical Christian schools. Here, Dreher makes an impassioned plea for Christian parents to remove their children from public schools and provide them with he calls “a rightly ordered education.”

For Dreher, the mainstream model of education is geared towards equipping students to succeed in the workforce, to provide a pleasant, secure life for themselves and their families, and reach their goals. The standard Christian education model today takes this and simply adds religion classes and prayer services.

In Dreher’s thought this traditional Christian model is based on a flawed anthropology (what a person is). In traditional Christianity, the goal of the soul is to love and serve God with all one’s heart, soul, and mind. To prepare for eternal life, we must join ourselves to Christ and strive to live in harmony with His divine will.

In the Benedictine tradition, learning is wholly integrated into the life of prayer and work. Monasteries became places in which monks undertook the painstaking work of copying by hand Holy Scripture, prayer books, and patristic writings. To compartmentalize education, separating from the life of the church, is to create a false distinction. For Benedict, discipleship was a matter of pedagogy, of training both the heart and mind to grow beyond spiritual infancy.

Classical Christian education, which reigned from the Greco-Roman period until the modern era, was about passing on a culture and one culture in particular: the culture of the West, and for most of that time, the Christian West. The goal was to product another generation with the same ideals and values based on a vision of what a human being was.

Dreher advocates a return to the classical, Christian education of the Greco-Roman world. But what does this look like?

·         It emphasizes study of the Scriptures that integrate Bible knowledge and meditation into their lives.

The Rule of St. Benedict prescribes set daily times for engaging in reading Scripture and contemplating it. It also encourages other forms of reading. For example, during Lent the Rule directs each monk to read a book from their monastic library. The Rule also instructs monks to read the Church Fathers and the lives of the saints. Dreher believes that this will help bind young Christians together to stand against the onslaught of secularism.

·         Immersion into the History of Western Civilization.

Classical Christian education proceeds from the conviction that God works through art, literature, and the philosophy of the past, both Greco-Roman and Christian. One cannot understand the West apart from the Christian faith, and we cannot understand the Christian faith as we live it today without understanding the history and culture of the West.

Dreher does offer a caveat that must be considered:

1.      Christian schools are not necessarily a “safe space.”

In many Christian schools, Christianity is merely a veneer over a secular way of looking at the world. Many parents use Christian schools as a way to shield their children from what they perceive to be harmful effects of public schools, only to find the same problems exist in Christian schools.

In The Benedict Option, Dreher offers some practical help to those who wish to start classical, Christian schools. He advocates using The CiRCE Institute, a North Carolina based Christian organization that trains teachers in the classical model. This model:

·         Orders everything around the Logos, Jesus Christ, and the quest to know Him with one’s heart, soul, and mind. Classical education accepts the Great Tradition’s fundamental understanding that all of reality is grounded in transcendental ideals.

·         The cultivation of personal devotion to Christ. In this model, a searching love of Christ undergirds and harmonizes all classroom learning. The end is to nurture graduates whose hearts desire truth, goodness, and beauty and who use their minds to discover these things.

·         A Great Books approach to the curriculum. It presents the canonical Western texts and works of art to students using a medieval structure called the Trivium, which corresponds to the mental capacities of young people at certain ages of development.

Typically, a student’s classical school career begins with the Grammar school, in which a student learns and commits to memory basic facts about the world. The second part is the Logic school, which corresponds to the middle school years. This is when students learn how to use reason to analyze facts and discern meaning from them. The third and final stage is the Rhetoric school, which focuses on abstract thinking, on poetry, and on clear self-expression.

Dreher is very anti-public school. While I believe he presents some solid arguments for his classical Christian approach, he is overly critical of the public-school system. I have many teachers and administrators that serve within my congregation. I know of no other people who are more selflessly committed to the well-being of children than they are. While there is no doubt there are things within the public-school curriculum that can be addressed, there are issues with Dreher’s approach as well.

The main issue with Dreher’s classical education model is finances. It is very expensive to have a proper space, hire the qualified teachers, and have supporting materials. Most families cannot afford the tuition associated with classical schools. While homeschooling is an option, that requires a parent to stay home with their child, unless they are part of a homeschooling group. I know many families that homeschool and do a fine job. However, it does require aptitude and the commitment of a parent.

A second issue with Dreher’s model is the lack of practical training. I believe an emphasis on the arts is beneficial and necessary. I also believe that vocational training is a vital aspect of education to help our children become productive citizens. There is a huge gap in Dreher’s model that does not address this need for students.

A third issue is Dreher does not address Christian families who have special needs children. There is no element in Dreher’s model to meet the needs of students who may have a learning disability, may be on the autism spectrum, or have another need that may require accommodation. Where are they to go? Is classical Christian education not an option for them?

A final issue is Dreher’s model only addresses urban/suburban areas and neglects rural ones. The examples Dreher cites as successes are all urbanized or suburban areas where there are large, professional populations. But what about rural areas that do not have this type of demographic? Where do they go? What are their options?

While I applaud Dreher for his stance and believe many of his theories have merit, there are inherent weaknesses that must be addressed for this to be a viable, realistic option for Christian families.

The Benedict Option-A Review Part I

On Monday evening I began reading The Benedict Option by Rod Dreher. To say that it had an impact on me is an understatement. Within its pages echoed my feelings, thoughts, and desires that I have struggled with for some years.  It was as if Dreher was reading my heart and mind. To that end, I am offering my review of the book, with both praise and critique. Considering The Benedict Option deals with church, vocation, education, and technology, I am going to address these issues in separate posts beginning with Dreher's thoughts on the church. I will begin by giving some background information on the author, then deal with his thesis and outline his argument.

Rod Dreher has a BA in journalism from Louisania State University. He has written for the Dallas Morning News and was the Publications Director for the John Templeton Foundation. Dreher is the author of Crunchy Cons: How Birkenstocked Burkeans, Gun-Loving Organic Gardeners, Evangelical Free-Range Farmers, Hip Homeschooling Mamas, Right-Wing Nature Lovers, and Their Diverse Tribe of Countercultural Conservatives Plan to Save America (or At Least the Republican Party, The Little Way of Ruthie, and How Dante Can Save Your Life.

In The Benedict Option, Dreher argues for the return of the Church to its Orthodox roots. He draws a parallel between Noah building an ark to protect his family against the floodwaters of God's judgment, and Christians today building tight knit communities to protect themselves from the rising tide of secularism. Dreher's thesis is that Christians who implement a modified version of St. Benedict's Rule can not only insulate themselves and their families from the negative effects of culture, but also effectively be a witness through their radically different lifestyles.

Benedict of Nursia, Italy (480-547 AD) came to Rome as a young man, with the opportunity for education and advancement. Horrified by the perverseness of the culture, he withdrew to a cave for three years, whereupon he founded tewlve communities for monks. The Order of St. Benedict came later, and is a confederation of autonomous congregations. The Rule of St. Benedict contain precepts for the monks in the community he founded. One of the great attractions to St. Benedict's Rule is the balance it strikes between prayer and contemplation and work. St. Benedict is considered the father of Western Monastiscim.

Dreher begins his argument by giving supporting data from Pew Reserach that highlights the alarming trend of millennials leaving the church. Of those that remain, he puts forth that the overarching ideology is what he calls Moralistic Therapeautic Deism. This is the idea that God is primarily concerned about my happiness and well-being and that concepts of morality and theology are subjective to the individual, rather than grounded in the authority of Scripture. 

The argument presented for our culture's ideology of Moralistic Theraputic Deism is difficult to find fault with. One has only to look to popular "Christian" preachers and teachers to find that people flock to "feel good" sermons where God is presented as a holy Santa Claus, there to grant my desires and His main goal for us is to be happy, healthy, and wealthy. Any teaching on the suffering of life or how God uses trials and difficulties to develop Christ-like character is generally met with lukewarm enthusiasm at best, or outright scorn and disdain at worst.

Dreher proposes that the church at large must form tigh-knit communities reminiscent of the early New Testament church. One of the fascinating aspects of the book is Dreher's extensive time in the monestary of St. Benedict in Nursia. Most of these monks are young, American, and commited to live out the Rule as a monastic community. The interviews with these monks really flesh out the guiding principles of the Rule: 1) there is no distinction between scared and secular, God is present at all times and in all things, 2) the main goal of life is to glorify God in all that we do, 3) a person should remain in the community in which they professed faith, unless God directs them otherwise.

For Dreher, this means that person should commit themselves to a community of believers for life. This not only provides stability within the community, but also within that individual or family's life. It also provides accountability and the opprotunity for discipline to be administered which Dreher says has been conspicuously missing from church life for many years. 

I believe Dreher brings up some valid points concerning consumerism within the church today, as well as the lack of accountability in most churches. "Church hopping" is an epidemic today. Individuals and families routinely look for "greener grass" if a church is not meeting their "felt needs." Rather than commit to that community of believers to work together to meet those needs, many just transfer their membership down the road where there is an awesome praise band, or student/children's ministry, or the pastor is "cool and funny." 

But there is something beautiful about a group of believers committing themselves to share life together and grow in the grace and knowledge of Jesus Christ. In Dreher's mind, the road back to this radically different life means going back to the orthodox roots of our faith. He argues that a more orthodox, liturgical church can provide the community and stability needed to foster this kind of communal lifestyle.

Dreher suggests that mainline Protestant churches begin teaching their congregations about the early church fathers. He suggests offering a class during mid-week or Sunday evenings. This can begin to plant seeds within congregations to gradually incorporate orthodox elements into their church life.

I realize that caution must be used in these situations. I have had the opportunity to study the early church fathers. My doctoral dissertation was on the spiritual disciplines of Bible Intake, Biblical Mediation, Fasting, and Prayer. These are disciplines missing from many believers lives, especially fasting and mediation. One must go slowly in introducing these concepts because for many they are foreign to their concept of Christianity.

However, I believe Dreher makes a valid point in stating that a rediscovery of the early church fathers, their writings, and practices could have a profound impact on our churches. I am not advocating we all convert to Eastern Orthodoxy, but I do believe an emphasis on these practices would be beneficial to building community within our churches.

Living Peaceably in a Contentious World -1 Thessalonians 5:12-22

Main Idea: We have peace in our lives through an attitude of humility and worship.

“Practice makes perfect!” How many times have you heard this expression? No doubt, countless times. Yet, we all know too well that “practice doesn’t make perfect!” I wish it did, but it doesn’t. The hope is that practice makes permanent. Nowhere is this more critical than in the Christian faith. Christianity is nothing if it is not practical. Or, perhaps I should say, “The Christian faith is no faith at all if it is not practiced.”

Two neighbors were talking over their back fence. “I went to a wedding this weekend,” said one, “but I don’t think the marriage will last.” “Why,” said the other.” “Well, when the groom said, ‘I do,” the bride snapped back, “don’t use that tone of voice with me.”

In 1 Thess 5:12-22, we come to one of the most practical passages on how to do church in the entire New Testament. Perhaps you have wondered, “What are the essentials for a happy, thriving church family? How can I make my local church a more spiritual place?” These eleven verses flesh out what it means to live soberly (5:6, 8). Paul provides four “sobriety checkpoints”⁴²³ that will enable us to function wisely in the body of Christ.

I.            Honor church leaders (5:12-13).

1.   Respect your leaders (v. 12).

Paul writes, “But we request of you, brethren, that you appreciate those who diligently labor among you, and have charge over you in the Lord and give you instruction.”

The word translated “appreciate” (oida) ordinarily means “know.” However, in this context it means “recognize, respect, or honor.” The notion of appreciation is found in the second request in 5:13, so it seems best to understand this word to refer to respect. There is the need in every congregation to recognize and respect those God has raised up to lead, particularly those pastors and elders who “diligently labor” and provide “instruction.”

2.   Esteem your leaders (v. 13a).

Paul urges the Thessalonians to “esteem them [their leaders] very highly in love because of their work.”

The word translated “very highly” (huperekperissos) is a triple compound, which means abundant to the point of being excessive.

You may say, “That’s laying it on a little thick, don’t you think? It’s one thing to esteem my leaders, I don’t know about holding them so high that it goes beyond all measure. That’s ridiculous!” Oh, really? I can tell you that to ignore this word is to ignore God’s Word to you. I have had so many people try to temper their encouragement because they are fearful that if they say something too positive it might “go to my head.” We frequently run the risk of taking our leaders for granted. Yet, Paul says we are to “esteem” our leaders because of their work. In both 5:12 and 13, he emphasizes recognizing and esteeming work.

These verses should not be restricted to pastors only. They apply to anyone who has a leadership position in the local church. Do you know who is teaching your children in Sunday school? Do you know your teenager’s youth leaders? Have you ever tried to find the names of the leaders of the ministries that touch your family?

You need to know them by name. You need to respect these spiritual leaders who freely and sacrificially serve the body. Unless we are actively involved in volunteer service, we will never understand the great sacrifices that many of our fellow believers make. Today, will you look for a leader that you can encourage? Write an email or a hand-written card. Bring a gift to this leader. Verbally affirm this leader. Ask how you can pray for this person. Offer to help this person in their ministry or in their home. Practice makes permanent.

3.   Live in peace with your leaders (v. 13b).

Paul closes this section by commanding the Thessalonians to “Live in peace with one another.”

I think living in peace with your spiritual leaders means you speak highly of them and when necessary offer constructive criticism in private. This does not mean leaders should not be confronted biblically if they exhibit unethical or immoral behavior.

I find it rather interesting that very few people will criticize leaders to their face, but they will shred them behind their back.

I don’t think that it is because people are intimidated by most leaders, rather they know what they are saying is not honoring to God. Yet in churches throughout America, gossip and slander continue to be the most prevalent sins committed.

In fact, more churches have been split by malicious gossip than by all the doctrinal heresies that have ever been invented. Thus, we should take this sin seriously. If you hear another brother or sister ripping on a leader, rebuke that person. Don’t tolerate this sin or you are an accomplice who will be held guilty.

If someone is talking about my wife, I’m not going to listen in and remain quiet. I’m not going to worry about hurting that person’s feelings. Instead, I’m going to rebuke that person. Too many Christians are afraid of offending someone so we let a leader be run into the ground. This is sin! Perhaps today you need to make a commitment that you will not criticize a spiritual leader. Or maybe you need to commit to not listening in while others criticize your leaders. If there was more praise coming from God’s people, there would be more power in our ministries. Tragically, many members have never said a kind word to those who are in leadership. Today, commit to a ministry of encouragement.

We should esteem church leaders. Why? Because this showcases the unity of the church.

Hebrews 13:17 (NET), “Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they keep watch over your souls and will give an account for their work. Let them do this with joy and not with complaints, for this would be no advantage for you.”

II.          Shepherd church members (5:13-15; Rom. 12:9-21).

1.   Admonish the unruly (v. 14a; Matt. 18:15-17).

“Unruly” (ataktous) is a military expression that means “to break ranks, to get out of line.” It refers to soldiers who are undisciplined, irresponsible, and idle. In the church there are unruly soldiers who are disrespectful, slanderous, and lazy. When a brother or sister becomes unruly Paul says we are to “admonish them.”

The word translated “admonish” is an exceedingly strong Greek word that literally means to “put into the mind” (cf. 5:12). You might say we are to talk some sense into them. It implies a face-to-face confrontation, precisely the kind of situation most of us want to avoid at all costs. It is painful, difficult work. It is very scary.

Matthew 18:15-17 (NIV), “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. ¹⁶ But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ ¹⁷ If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.”

The key, however, is to do so with grace. Someone has that said for every negative statement people need at least five or six positive comments to overcome the discouragement that results from negative feedback.

Generally speaking, any negative input should always be preceded by a few positive words and then followed up with a few more positive comments. Will you make a commitment to admonish unruly people in your life? Don’t call on a pastor. This verse is your responsibility. Practice makes permanent.

2.   Encourage the fainthearted (v. 14b).

The word translated “fainthearted” (oligopsuchos) literally means to be “small-souled.” In the Greek Old Testament this word refers to discouragement due to trials. Paul, then, could be referring either to those who were shaken by the persecutions that the church had to endure (2:14; 3:1-5) or to those who were anxious about various aspects of Christ’s return (4:13-5:11). In the church, the fainthearted can describe those who are overwhelmed with problems.

It especially includes those who shrink before persecution, who fall under great temptation, who face trials at home, at work, at school, who find the Christian life one continual struggle. Paul says we are to “encourage” such people. That is, we are to put courage into them. We are to verbally affirm hurting people.

It wasn't like Scott Kregel to give up. He was a battler, a dedicated athlete who spent hour after hour perfecting his free throw and jump shot during the hot summer months of 1987. But just before fall practice everything changed. A serious car accident left Scott in a coma for several days. When he awoke, a long rehabilitation process lay ahead. Like most patients with closed head injuries, Scott balked at doing the slow, tedious work that was required to get him back to normal -- things such as stringing beads. What high school junior would enjoy that? Tom Martin, Scott's basketball coach at the Christian school he attended, had an idea. Coach Martin told Scott that he would reserve a spot on the varsity for him -- if he would cooperate with his therapist and show progress in the tasks he was asked to do. And Tom's wife Cindy spent many hours with Scott, encouraging him to keep going. Within 2 months, Scott was riding off the basketball court on his teammates' shoulders. He had made nine straight free throws to clinch a triple-overtime league victory. It was a remarkable testimony of the power of encouragement. 

We are to use our words to breathe hope into them. A word of encouragement can make the difference between giving up and going on. We must teach the “small-souled” that the trials of life will help to enlarge them and make them stronger in the faith. Who do you know that you can encourage today? Practice makes permanent.

3.   Help the weak (v. 14c).

The word “weak” can refer to physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual weakness. This third group of people is a step beyond being fainthearted. They have completely run out of gas. They are the ones who are exhausted, burned out, wrung out, and worn out. They are morally, spiritually, and physically drained. They feel as if they cannot go on. Often, these are most easily overlooked. The weak drift in and then drift out and a growing church never sees them. They slip in late, sit toward the back, and slip out as soon as the service is over. They are on the periphery, looking, searching, and hurting. The greatest way that you can help the weak is by praying for them. Practice makes permanent.

4.   Be patient with everyone (v. 14d).

If we get involved with others, patience is our greatest need. Remember what Charlie Brown said: “I love the world. It’s people I can’t stand.” It’s easy to feel that way, so we need a great deal of patience. Who are the children or teens that are driving you crazy right now? They may be our future pastors and missionaries. A simple rule is: Be as patient with others as God is with you.

Jean Nidetch, a 214 pound homemaker desperate to lose weight, went to the New York City Department of Health, where she was given a diet devised by Dr. Norman Jolliffe. Two months later, discouraged about the 50 plus pounds still to go, she invited six overweight friends home to share the diet and talk about how to stay on it. Today, 28 years later, one million members attend 250,000 Weight Watchers meetings in 24 countries every week. Why was Nidetch able to help people take control of their lives? To answer that, she tells a story. When she was a teen-ager, she used to cross a park where she saw mothers gossiping while the toddlers sat on their swings, with no one to push them. "I'd give them a push," says Nidetch. "And you know what happens when you push a kid on a swing? Pretty soon he's pumping, doing it himself. That's what my role in life is--I'm there to give others a push." 

Romans 12:9-13 (NIV): “Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. ¹⁰ Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. ¹¹ Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. ¹² Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. ¹³ Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.”

Who is really getting on your nerves: a boss, a neighbor, a classmate? Maybe it is a spouse, a parent, or a sibling? How can you be especially kind to this person?

Hebrews 12:15 (NET), “See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God, that no one be like a bitter root springing up and causing trouble, and through him many become defiled.”

III.        Discover God’s will (5:16-18).

The age-old question that pastors are frequently asked is: “How can I find God’s will for my life?” Paul says that we don’t need to worry about finding God’s will, we merely need to find God and then His will finds us. Paul puts it like this: “Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” In these three verses are three commands that will help us to discover God’s will.

1.   Be joyful (v. 16; Phil. 4:4).

This is one of approximately 70 New Testament commands to rejoice. This ought to remind us that choosing joy is a decision of the will. While happiness depends on what is happening around us, joy is independent of happenings. This means we must remember that nothing merely happens by chance. God is working out His sovereign plan in our lives, therefore we must rejoice. This doesn’t mean life won’t hurt, but even in the midst of the hurts we can rejoice, because we know that God is at work and in control. Consistent rejoicing is only possible if we remember three principles.

First, we must remember who God is (Phil 3:1). Nehemiah 8:10 states, “the joy of the Lord is your strength.” Joy has its roots in a deep thankfulness for who God is. If we focus on God’s character and attributes (e.g., sovereign, merciful, faithful, loving), we will always have plenty of cause to rejoice.

Philippians 4:4 (NIV), “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!”

Second, rejoicing is possible if we then begin to recall what God has done, is doing, and will do. We can especially rejoice in what God has given us in Christ (John 4:36; Acts 13:48; Phil 4:4). As we focus on our Lord, we will exude joy. Someone once said, “A coffee break is good; a prayer break is better; a praise break is best.”⁴⁵¹ Can you rejoice in the Lord today?

2.   Be prayerful (v. 17; Eph. 6:18).

Praying without ceasing means praying repeatedly and often. The idea of the present tense imperative is not that believers should pray every minute of the day, but that we should offer prayers to God repeatedly. We should make it our habit to be in the presence of God. The Greek adverb translated “without ceasing”(adialeiptos)is used outside of the New Testament of a hacking cough.

Have you had a cold recently? Then you know what it’s like to cough spontaneously, right? There are times you just can’t stop yourself. The same ought to be true of prayer. We should be continuously offering up prayers to the Lord because we just can’t help ourselves. We often go through life in such a hurry and so overwhelmed by our problems that we think we don’t have time to pray.

Ephesians 6:18 (NIV), “And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.”

That sense of hurriedness can be spiritually devastating. Carl Jung said, “Hurry is not of the devil; it IS the devil.” When you pray, you are forced to slow down. You are forced to shift the focus of your thoughts from yourself to God. You stop thinking of how impossible everything is for you, and you start thinking of how possible everything is for God. You stop thinking of how weak you are, and you start thinking of how powerful God is.

If you’re a stay-at-home mom, this may mean that you pray when you’re getting ready in the morning, when you’re home-schooling your kids or driving them to school, when you’re cleaning the house or doing the dishes. If you’re a career man or woman, you can pray during your commute, when you stretch at your desk, during your lunch break, before you return home for the day.

3.   Be thankful (v. 18).

The apostle Paul didn’t say to give thanks “for” all circumstances, but “in” all circumstances. All of life’s circumstances are not good, but there will always be something in those circumstances for which to give thanks. Paul uses the word “thanks” only one other time in 1 Thess 2:13, where he thanks God for the Thessalonians receiving the Word.

This demonstrates that there are many things that we can be thankful for. What are you thankful for today? Will you express gratitude to God and others? Gratitude is likely the greatest evidence that you and I are filled with the Holy Spirit. God has blessed you and me, but He expects us to respond with hearts full of gratitude.

IV.         Worship with wisdom (5:19-22).

In this fourth and final section, Paul tells us how to worship in spirit and truth (cf. John 4:23-24). He writes, “Do not quench the Spirit; do not despise prophetic utterances. But examine everything carefully; hold fast to that which is good; abstain from every form of evil.”

Paul uses “quench” metaphorically to speak of hindering the operations of the Holy Spirit. People who refuse to submit to the above commands “quench” the Spirit. Those who usurp the ministry of the Spirit in the local church throw cold water on God’s work in the congregation. Do you know what it means to quench the Holy Spirit? What do you do when you quench your thirst?

You drink some water and the thirst is put away. When you quench a fire, you put it out—you smother it. How do you quench the Spirit of God? You quench the Holy Spirit by not doing something He tells you to do.

1.   Practice discernment in all things (1 John 4:1).

Paul now relates this specifically to prophecies. The gift of prophecy is when a man or woman of God speaks a word to build up the body of Christ. Essentially, they are “teaching the Word.” This is not ecstatic utterances or new revelation from God. Paul says, “Don’t despise prophecies.” Yet, he also commands us to examine every prophecy. This can be done by asking four questions: (1) Does the prophecy agree with Scripture? (2) Does the prophecy edify those who hear it? (3) Do other believers agree that the prophecy is from God? (4) Does the person with the prophecy present it humbly?