The Seasons of Friendships

I had the privilege of seeing one of my best friends that I grew up with yesterday. For many years we spent almost every weekend together. I was an "adopted" son in their family. However, we had not really spoken to each other in over fifteen years. There was no bad blood, argument, or fight that led to the hiatus of our friendship. It was simply life. We both got married, moved to two different areas, and focused on our jobs and family.

Seeing my friend made me think a great deal about the essence and complexity of friendships. We have all had people we were extremely close to for a season. It may have been that friend two houses down in your subdivision you grew up going through elementary, middle, and high school and who became your defacto brother or sister. Perhaps it was that college roommate that got you through freshman calculus or that senior seminar project. Or maybe it was that person in the cubicle beside you that helped you navigate the shark infested waters of that first job. Whatever the case, all of us have dealt with people coming into our lives and forming a tight bond, only to see them drift away. We are left feeling confused. Did I do something to offend them? Was I too needy? Did I demand too much from the relationship? Do I have some psychological character flaw that drives people away? Did I forget to take a bath today? (Okay, I made that last one up. If you can't remember the last time you bathed, you deserve people to bail on you).

I have gone through those emotions too. What I have come to realize is that there are seasons to friendships. Reading through Scripture, I think this is fleshed out. In 1 Samuel 20, one reads about Jonathan and David. This is probably Exhibit A where friendships are concerned. They formed a tight bond. Jonathan betrayed his own father to help David escape Saul's death wish. Only in death was their friendship severed.

If you look in the New Testament, you find Paul and Barnabas. In Acts 9 Barnabas is the only one who is willing to take the new convert Paul in and show him hospitality. They quickly become great friends and partners in ministry. However, a disagreement between them over Mark joining them again on their second missionary journey caused a fracture in that relationship (Acts 15). Later, we see that friendship is restored. Paul, in 1 Corinthians 9 mentions Barnabas as being worthy of monetary support in spreading the gospel. Paul's attitude changed towards Mark as well. In 2 Timothy 4, Paul asks that Mark be brought with Timothy to Rome because he was "useful to my [Paul's] ministry."Timothy and Paul brings to mind another type of friendship-that of a mentor and protege. Paul took a young a meek Timothy and poured into his life and helped him develop his talents to fulfill His God-given assignment.

So, we see that God brings certain people into our lives for seasons to accomplish His will and purpose in our lives. Sometimes, it is to provide counsel and protection, such as Jonathan and David. At other times, it is to help give us legitimacy and open doors of opportunity such as Barnabas vouching for the validity of Paul's conversion to the apostles. Or, it may be that God sends a mentor into your life to help you develop your gifts and fulfill your God-given assignment.

The point is, if you see a friendship drifting and coming to a conclusion, here are some things to consider:

1) Ask the Lord if you did something to cause a fracture or dissolution of the friendship. If God reveals something to you, seek forgiveness from your friend and reconcilation.

2) Ask the Lord if this friendship is coming to its logical conclusion. It may be that God has put this person into your life for a specific season and that time has come to an end.

3) Ask the Lord if you have been a biblical friend to them. As Proverbs 18:24 says, “A man that has friends must show himself friendly, and there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.” Ask yourself, "Have I shown myself to be open to this relationship and available to this person?" If not, then either you need to ask for forgiveness or dissolve the relationship.

Proverbs 17:9 says, “He who covers and forgives an offense seeks love, but he who repeats or harps on a matter separates even close friends.” Ask yourself, "Have I sought to maintain harmony in this relationship or have I sown contention?" If you constantly highlight the negatives of a person then you may want to reexamine the relationship.

Proverbs 27:5-6 says, “Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.” Ask yourself, "Have I maintained integrity in this friendship by telling the truth at all times in a spirit of love with this person's best interest at heart?" If you have been decietful or just told them what they want to hear that is sign the relationship is not healthy and needs to be fixed or dissolved.

Finally, through prayer and the Word, assess all of your friendships. As the Lord if you are contributing to them in a healthy, productive way. Seek any forgiveness and reconciliation that may be revealed. And after doing these things, be at peace when a season of friendship concludes. Look forward with anticipation and prayer for who God will send into your life next.

In His Grace,
Bryan

Don't Carry Someone Else's Armor

If you read the account of David killing Goliath in 1 Samuel 17, you will notice something interesting in verse 39. David is brought before King Saul and expresses confidence that God will make him victorious in defeating the Philistine champion Goliath. Saul, in an attempt to try and help David, has his armor and sword put on him. Notice what happens next:

    "And David girded his sword over his armor and tried to walk, for he had not tested them. So David said to Saul, 'I cannot go with these, for I have not tested them.' And David took them off" (1 Sam. 17:39 NASB).

David realized that the best protection was not Saul's armor but the name of the Lord (vv. 46-47). There is a spiritual truth here that we need to be reminded of: there is great power in authenticity. It is no good putting on someone else's armor. It always looks artificial and unnatural when we try to present ourselves as if we are someone else. 

Oscar Wilde said, "Be yourself; everyone else is already taken!" St. Catherine of Siena said, "Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire." I wish more parents would instill this into their children. I see so many kids crumble under the weight of their parent's expectations to be what they envision, rather than encouraging them to seek God's purpose for which He created them. 

This happens all too often in the ministry as well. Pastors try to copy their favorite hero's dress or communication style. They go to the latest church conference and attempt to superimpose that ministry philosophy in their current setting. When it blows up in their face they are left dismayed, frustrated, and discouraged asking themselves, "Why didn't it work here, like it did at ____________ church?" 

God blessed David becasue he had a concern for God's name and vindication (v. 45). He said to Goliath, "You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty" (v. 45). He realized the limitations of human efforts (v. 47). He was confident in His God whose name alone is sufficient to strike the strongest person to the ground (v. 46). He was prepared to trust in the name of the Lord in the face of enormous opposition.

Friend, you may be facing great opposition in your life or ministry. You may feel weak and helpless; and that copying someone else or thier methods is the only way to be successful. Please hear me. Go out in God's name, realizing you limitations and yet trusting Him to vindicate His name. 

It is interesting that becasue of David's concern for God's name, David's name "became well known" (v. 30). But that was not David's aim or the focus of his life. Only when we become consumed with the glory of God, can we be used mightily for His kingdom. 

In Christ's Service,
Dr. Bryan Cox 

Responding to Same Sex Marriage

As I write this, the Supreme Court will hear arguments tomorrow (Tuesday) on the constitutional right for individuals to participate in same-sex unions. As many states (including ours) have legalized same-sex unions, and the strong possibility the Supreme Court will grant constitutional rights to these unions, it is altogether right to be grieved about the definition of marriage within our culture. So called “same-sex marriage” is now recognized as a legitimate entity in the eyes of or government.

However, such a designation by a government does not change the definition God has established. The only true marriage in God’s eyes remains the elusive, permanent union of a man and woman, even as our Supreme Court and state legislatures deliberately defy this reality. Without question, we are living in momentous days-momentous in devastating ways.

Yet all is most definitely not lost. The opportunity for gospel witness in contemporary culture is far greater now than it was even a couple of years ago. As spiritual darkness engulfs the biblical picture of marriage in our culture, spiritual light will stand out even more starkly in the portrait of a husband who lays down his life for his wife and a wife who joyfully follows her husband’s loving leadership (Ephesians 5:25-33). Be sure of this: God’s design for marriage is more satisfying and breathtaking than anything we could create on our own. The more men and women manipulate marriage, the more we will discover that “this kind of marriage” or “that kind of marriage” will not fully gratify us, for only the King who designed marriage is able to finally and eternally satisfy us.

Furthermore, we have much reason to be confident in the resilience of marriage as God has defined it. After all, it has been around since the beginning of time (see Genesis 2:24-25). Jesus Himself affirms the foundational reality of marriage in the fabric of God’s creation (see Matthew 19:1-12). Moreover, marriage will be around at the end of time. Sure, it won’t look the same as it does now, for this earthly shadow will one day give way to its eternal substance. On that day, Christ will be united completely with His church, and all of heaven will should, “Hallelujah! For the Lord our God the Almighty reigns. Let us rejoice and exult and give Him the glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and His Bride has made herself ready” (Revelation 19:6-7). John writes in the book of Revelation, “The angel said to me, ‘Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb.’ And he said to me, ‘These are the true words of God’” (verse 9).

Based upon these “true words of God,” we need not worry about whether marriage is going to make it. Ultimately, we do not look to any court or government to define marriage. God has already done that, and His definition cannot be eradicated by a vote of legislators or the opinions of Supreme Court justices. The Supreme Judge of creation has already defined this term once and for all. God’s institution of marriage transcends time and culture, representing truths about who God is and how God loves. The call and challenge for us is to live according to such truth in the time and culture in which He has placed us. So, how can we accomplish this?

First, ask God to empower you to be pure, faithful, and selfless in your own marriage or in your singleness. Pray that God will strengthen the church’s witness to the beauty of the gospel and to the biblical pattern of marriage. Petition God to change the hearts and minds of legislative and judicial bodies on the issue of so-called same-sex marriage.

Second, offer to talk to, pray with, or meet individuals you know (of the same gender) who are struggling in their marriage. Vote for political candidates who support a biblical view of marriage and actively encourage them to continue their support. Let your voice be heard in your legislators ears.

Finally, consider the following truths from Scripture: Genesis 2:24 (“leaving and cleaving”), Ephesians 5:22, 25 (roles of husbands and wives), and Hebrews 13:4 (the purity of marriage). Let us not shrink back from the culture on this issue, but courageously, compassionately, and consistently be a gospel witness to our culture.

In Christ’s Service,

Dr. Bryan Cox

The Church of the Closed Door Part I

     Some Christians will not wake up until they go to church and discover that the door is locked and a sign has been placed on it that reads, “This Church is Officially Closed,” said Frank Wright, the president of the National Religious Broadcasters association.[i] He was, of course, referring to the strong and growing anti-Christian bias exerted by many secularists, government officials, and even within the United States court system.

     As we know, there is a growing tide of opposition to expressions of Christianity in the so-called public square-to the point that some have even attempted to use legal means to criminalize such expressions. Our religious faith is expected to shrink until it is only a private matter that is not brought into politics, schools, or the workplace. If secularists cannot close a church, they at least want to render it powerless and irrelevant.

     But there’s another kind of experience Christians may soon come to face upon visiting their church. They will discover that the doors are open, but the building has been turned into a mosque. While that may seem a rather far-fetched and unlikely scenario to Christians in America, this has already been happening with increasing frequency in Europe and other parts of the world.

     For example, Gatestone Institute reported this in 2012:

The proliferation of mosques housed in former churches reflects the rise of Islam as the fastest growing religion in post-Christian Europe. . . The latest churches destined to become mosques are located in Germany, where the Roman Catholic Church has announced plans to close up to six churches in Duisburg, an industrial city in [the] northwestern part of the country, due to falling church attendance. . .

     Muslims in Duisburg are now clamoring to turn empty churches in the city into mosques, according to the Germany daily newspaper, Der Westen . . . some Protestant churches have also been converted into mosques in Germany, where the Muslim population has jumped from around 50,000 in the early 1980’s to more than 4 million today.[ii]

     The same phenomenon is occurring the United Kingdom, where “there are now more than 1,700 official mosques in Britain, many converted from former churches.”[iii]

     What many people don’t realize is the extent to which this is happening in centuries past. History and religious studies scholar Philip Jenkins, in an eye-opening book titled The Lost History of Christianity, says, “Much of what we today call the Islamic world was once Christian. . . In most cases, churches collapsed or vanished because they were unable to cope with the pressures placed upon them by hostile regimes, mainly Muslim.”[iv]

     With regard to the spread of Islam in Europe, one of the most respected Western scholars of Islam, Bernard Lewis, says that “some have even described the present situation as the third Muslim invasion of Europe, more successful than either the first or the second.”[v]

     As we survey what is happening there and in the United Kingdom, we need to have a wake-up call here in North America. And let’s not think it cannot happen in this country. As we will see, the conditions that have led to the situation as it stands now in Europe are becoming more and more prevalent in America.

     The main challenge for us as Christians is a lack of awareness. Many simply don’t know what is happening. One reason is that so much of what is taking place happens under the radar. Very little media attention is given to the growing influence American-based Muslim organizations are having on government agencies, the educational system, the media, politics, the legal arena, and more. And for many of us, the impact hasn’t been overt-at least, not yet. So Islamic encroachment continues quietly and largely unabated-at our peril.

     We must begin with understanding why the once-strong Christian presence in Turkey (Asia Minor) has essentially disappeared. While there is a small remnant of churches in Turkey, they are overwhelmingly outnumbered by the mosques everywhere.

     Particularly noteworthy is the fact that Jesus Himself wrote letters to seven churches located in this very region, and Revelation 2-3 preserves these letters for us. And now, the visible presence of Jesus no longer exists in these cities. In fact, it no longer exists throughout Asia Minor. Muslims in Turkey will tell you that the victory of Islam over Christianity in these once-Christian lands proves the superiority of Muhammad over Jesus.

     You can go to the ruins of a fifth-century cathedral in the ancient city of Philadelphia today. Remember, Jesus had assured this church, “These are the words of him who is holy and true, who holds the key of David. What he opens no one can shut, and what he shuts no one can open. I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut” (Rev. 3:7-8).

     And yet next to the ruins of this ancient cathedral is a mosque, with a tall minaret, eclipsing the other buildings around it.

     The One who said He could open doors that could not be shut and shut doors that no one could open-the Lord Jesus Himself-appeared to have found the door firmly shut in His face in Philadelphia. The church of the open door had become the church of the door slammed shut.

     Think back to the churches to whom Jesus dictated these personal letters: Ephesus, Smyrna, Pergamum, Thyatira, Sardis, Philadelphia, and Laodicea. There are no visible churches in any of these cities today; indeed, with few exceptions, there has been no readily visible evidence of Christianity in these locales for the past 800 years.

     Of course I don’t mean to say that there aren’t any Christians in Turkey. The 73 million people who live there are predominantly Muslim, and only .2 percent are Christian, Jewish, or of other religious backgrounds.[vi]

     For the most part, these believers meet in secret Bible studies or cell groups far away from the prying eyes of governing authorities. And I know there are a few media ministries in the country that are sharing the gospel in that region. There are also a small number of Protestant churches in the country.

     While the actual church to whom Jesus dictated His seven letters-churches that likely met in homes-probably disappeared in the early centuries AD, Christianity did flourish in that region for a time. Just as Christianity spread throughout Europe after the time of Constantine (who died in AD 337), so also Christendom came to dominate Asia Minor. Yet during the Middle Ages, all that changed drastically. Philip Jenkins notes the following:

     The statistics of decline are sobering. Look, for instance, at Asia Minor, the region that is so often mentioned throughout the New Testament: it is here that we find such historic names as Iconium and Ephesus, Galatia, and Bithynia, the seven cities of the book of Revelation. Still in 1050, the region had 373 bishoprics, and the inhabitants were virtually all Christian, overwhelmingly members of the Orthodox Church. Four hundred years later, that Christian proportion had fallen to 10 or 15 percent of the population, and we can find just three bishops. According to one estimate, the number of Asian Christians fell, between 1200 and 1500, from 21 million to 3.4 million.[vii]

     The fact that Turkey, which was once dotted with churches, is 99.8 percent Muslim today serves as evidence that Christianity does not always prevail in the places where it is established.

     Muslims say that Jesus was great, but Muhammad was greater. He was, in Muslim’s estimation, the greatest and last of all prophets. And they point to what happened in Asia Minor as evidence that the crescent is more powerful than the cross.

     Or is it?

     The short answer is no, the crescent is not more powerful than the cross. However, the particulars to the answer are multifaceted. Over the next week several weeks I will be unpacking the answer to this question. 

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[i] Frank Wright, during a message given on September 23, 2009 at the National Religious Broadcasters convention in Washington, D.C.

[ii] Soeren Kern, “Muslims Converting Empty European Churches into Mosques” (January 16, 2012), http://www.gatestoneinstitute.org.

[iii] Ibid.

[iv] Philip Jenkins, The Lost History of Christianity (New York: HarperOne, 2008), pp. 4, 30.

[v] Bernard Lewis, Islam and the West (New York: Oxford University Press, 1992), p. 41.

[vi] Paul Marshall and Nina Shea, Silenced: How Apostasy & Blashempy Codes Are Choking Freedom Worldwide (New York: Oxford University Press, 2011), p. 127.

[vii] Ibid., p. 129.