I had the privilege of seeing one of my best friends that I grew up with yesterday. For many years we spent almost every weekend together. I was an "adopted" son in their family. However, we had not really spoken to each other in over fifteen years. There was no bad blood, argument, or fight that led to the hiatus of our friendship. It was simply life. We both got married, moved to two different areas, and focused on our jobs and family.
Seeing my friend made me think a great deal about the essence and complexity of friendships. We have all had people we were extremely close to for a season. It may have been that friend two houses down in your subdivision you grew up going through elementary, middle, and high school and who became your defacto brother or sister. Perhaps it was that college roommate that got you through freshman calculus or that senior seminar project. Or maybe it was that person in the cubicle beside you that helped you navigate the shark infested waters of that first job. Whatever the case, all of us have dealt with people coming into our lives and forming a tight bond, only to see them drift away. We are left feeling confused. Did I do something to offend them? Was I too needy? Did I demand too much from the relationship? Do I have some psychological character flaw that drives people away? Did I forget to take a bath today? (Okay, I made that last one up. If you can't remember the last time you bathed, you deserve people to bail on you).
I have gone through those emotions too. What I have come to realize is that there are seasons to friendships. Reading through Scripture, I think this is fleshed out. In 1 Samuel 20, one reads about Jonathan and David. This is probably Exhibit A where friendships are concerned. They formed a tight bond. Jonathan betrayed his own father to help David escape Saul's death wish. Only in death was their friendship severed.
If you look in the New Testament, you find Paul and Barnabas. In Acts 9 Barnabas is the only one who is willing to take the new convert Paul in and show him hospitality. They quickly become great friends and partners in ministry. However, a disagreement between them over Mark joining them again on their second missionary journey caused a fracture in that relationship (Acts 15). Later, we see that friendship is restored. Paul, in 1 Corinthians 9 mentions Barnabas as being worthy of monetary support in spreading the gospel. Paul's attitude changed towards Mark as well. In 2 Timothy 4, Paul asks that Mark be brought with Timothy to Rome because he was "useful to my [Paul's] ministry."Timothy and Paul brings to mind another type of friendship-that of a mentor and protege. Paul took a young a meek Timothy and poured into his life and helped him develop his talents to fulfill His God-given assignment.
So, we see that God brings certain people into our lives for seasons to accomplish His will and purpose in our lives. Sometimes, it is to provide counsel and protection, such as Jonathan and David. At other times, it is to help give us legitimacy and open doors of opportunity such as Barnabas vouching for the validity of Paul's conversion to the apostles. Or, it may be that God sends a mentor into your life to help you develop your gifts and fulfill your God-given assignment.
The point is, if you see a friendship drifting and coming to a conclusion, here are some things to consider:
1) Ask the Lord if you did something to cause a fracture or dissolution of the friendship. If God reveals something to you, seek forgiveness from your friend and reconcilation.
2) Ask the Lord if this friendship is coming to its logical conclusion. It may be that God has put this person into your life for a specific season and that time has come to an end.
3) Ask the Lord if you have been a biblical friend to them. As Proverbs 18:24 says, “A man that has friends must show himself
friendly, and there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.” Ask yourself, "Have I shown myself to be open to this relationship and available to this person?" If not, then either you need to ask for forgiveness or dissolve the relationship.
Proverbs 17:9 says, “He who covers and forgives an offense seeks love, but he who repeats or harps on a matter separates even close friends.” Ask yourself, "Have I sought to maintain harmony in this relationship or have I sown contention?" If you constantly highlight the negatives of a person then you may want to reexamine the relationship.
Proverbs 27:5-6 says, “Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful
are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.” Ask yourself, "Have I maintained integrity in this friendship by telling the truth at all times in a spirit of love with this person's best interest at heart?" If you have been decietful or just told them what they want to hear that is sign the relationship is not healthy and needs to be fixed or dissolved.
Finally, through prayer and the Word, assess all of your friendships. As the Lord if you are contributing to them in a healthy, productive way. Seek any forgiveness and reconciliation that may be revealed. And after doing these things, be at peace when a season of friendship concludes. Look forward with anticipation and prayer for who God will send into your life next.
In His Grace,
Bryan
